Chris Coen

martyn44, posting in novel_in_90 @ 10:48pm: Word Count for November 14th
'Every writer I know has trouble writing.' ~Joseph Heller

The problem is that they have even more trouble not writing.

Sound Off!

jmeadows @ 5:26pm: Slush stats
Queries: 101
Requests: 1 upper YA
In my inbox: 3 partials

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Query project. My comments are still in [brackets] . As always, I haven't read these yet. These are my reactions as I read them.

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#24

Dear Ms. Meadows:

When Sabrina moves to England, she gets more than she bargained for [Watch for cliches, especially in the opening sentence.] when she meets the man who has been appearing to her in her dreams. After she gets over the shock of seeing Isaac outside of her admittedly vivid imagination, she begins to wonder how he’s able to get into her mind in the first place. [This seems a little too tame. If someone I'd been dreaming about suddenly appeared in my waking life, I'd go straight into panic and trying to figure out what was going on. The sentence doesn't reflect that panic.] The shocking answers catapult her into a world where ruthless creatures roam freely alongside unsuspecting humans, and battle lines are clearly drawn. [Neat.]

As they embark on a dangerous and passionate affair, Sabrina realizes that a bitter enemy intent on revenge from Isaac's past will stop at nothing to remove her from Isaac’s arms. Permanently. In order to establish a foreseeable and solid future, it becomes obvious that Sabrina must ultimately deal with a tumultuous past. As she navigates a shadowy world she has never known existed, Sabrina must fight for her newfound love…and her life. [I know personal stakes don't get much bigger, but I feel like something is missing here. Like we're seeing one leg of the plot -- the romantic one -- but not the other. ]

Reclaimed is a romantic suspense manuscript that is complete at 88,000 words. I saw from your blog that I read regularly [Snip "that I read regularly"] that you were interested in romance novels, and I hope you find mine to your liking.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Jennifer McLaughlin
http://jennifermclaughlin.wordpress.com/

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#25

Dear Jodi,

I was recommended by a friend to contact you as you represent both horror and science fiction. [This is a fake query, so okay. But if it was real, you should name the person who recommended you. Chances are they'd have emailed to let me know ahead of time, but just in case...] I hope that my first novel, tentatively titled Picking Up the Pieces, will be of interest to you. [Don't forget genre and wordcount.]


Matthew Caldey is a brilliant paramedic with a bright future career ahead of him, [Note what I said about cliches in the last query.] until he fails to save his partner’s wife and fellow paramedic, [Whups. And a clarity issue: is the partner's wife a fellow paramedic? Or is the fellow paramedic a different person? It could go either way.] in a traumatic deep space rescue gone horribly wrong. His confidence shaken by this tragic event, Matt returns to the EMS Academy on Earth to teach new recruits, the only job he feels is ‘safe to do’ anymore, vowing never to wear the uniform or go into space again... [Why ellipses?]

Following the death of his wife, Gary McAlliskey [So the story's about both of these guys. Okay.] has gone to McKinley Station, in high orbit of Kelder Prime, to finish work on their joint project: a Deep Space Rescue Cruiser, the first of its kind that will revolutionise deep space rescue. Gary is determined to finish the DSRC as a final tribute to his late wife, even at the expense of his own health and wellbeing, perhaps even that of his family... [What's with the ellipses?]

Still learning to cope with the loss of their mother, fifteen year old Imogen McAlliskey and her two younger siblings are that very family. [And it's them too? Okay, I admit, I was hoping for more space travel and explosions and daring rescues, rather than lots of people dealing with backstory death.] Realising that her father’s feverish attempts to complete his project could well be the last thing he ever does, Imogen calls old family friend Matt Caldey, begging him to visit McKinley to help her desperately try to convince her father that life is for living, not just remembering the dead… [You've now used up your year's supply of ellipses.]

Trainee paramedic Danielle Townend [This is getting longer and longer with a bunch of new characters. This needs to be much shorter. More concise and focused on what the story is about. Daring space rescue? People dealing with death? Choose a couple characters and focus on them, rather than the entire cast.] is approaching graduation from the EMS Academy. Born and raised on the council estates of West Yorkshire by a disinterested addict mother and an absent father, Danni has long awaited to escape her squalid roots and make something of herself. Intrigued by the tales of the exploits of her newest tutor, Matt Caldey, Danni realises her destiny is to go far, farther than she'd ever imagined...

For Matt, Gary, Imogen and Danni, a turning point is fast approaching in their lives. Each has been given a chance to move on from their dark past, into an uncertain future. One wishes to take this chance with both her hands, naively unaware of the consequences. One blindly refuses to forget the losses of his past. One wishes she didn't have to choose. And one is painfully aware that if he refuses to choose, the consequences for all of them could be disastrous. Brought together in deep space, the four of them must work as a team to fight their respective inner demons, and quickly learn that when picking up the pieces of other people's lives, they must first be able to rescue their own. [This is way too long and explainy. We need more about the story, less about the characters' individual journeys. It starts off with some good stuff, but gets off focus quickly.]


In writing, I love the horror, science and alternative fiction genres. I do not like "splatterpunk," but fully believe that blood and gore can be used to good effect. I have worked in a comprehensive school with 11-16 year olds with special educational needs, volunteered for St John Ambulance for thirteen years, and worked as a medic alongside paramedics for five years. [The only part of this that's necessary is that you worked as a medic, which can give your story a sense of authenticity.] I currently work in a large, local DIY store to pay the bills while finally concentrating on my writing. The online Short Story Group helped me sharpen my skills, before moving on to become a moderator with another online writing group, the Literary Den. I was a contributor to, and lead editor for, the LitDen's anthology of members' work in 2008, and am currently reprising this role for 2009. [And only the editor part is necessary out of this.]

Picking Up The Pieces is the first in a series of space-based medical fiction novels, revolving around the characters I have described here. [I think this is very telling. You said you've described the characters. Not the story. While compelling characters will keep me reading something I might otherwise not, I do need to have a sense of the story while I'm reading the query. Which I don't have here.] It is a completed 150,000 word manuscript, which I can forward to you, in whole or in part, should you be interested in reading further.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Sincerely yours,
Andy Walker
http://www.terrierandy7.com

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#26

Dear Jodi,

Rochelle had never dreamed of the past before, let alone travel into the future. Things like this never entered Rochelle's quiet, lonely life. [The first sentence is strong. This one says the same thing, and not nearly as snappily.] She had grown up in the foster care system because her mother died giving birth to her, and her father and brother had left before she was even born. Now Rochelle is living on her own, and realizes how mundane life really can become. [Same thing with this last sentence. Since you've repeated yourself twice within the first paragraph, I'd worry the manuscript has this problem, too.]

Her life gets turned upside down though, when Michael, a handsome British aristocrat, and his four friends come into the picture. [Same thing about cliches as the other two queries. Life turning upside down. Someone coming into the picture. Both cliches.] She is so intrigued by them, mainly because of the violet eyes they share with her. [Violet eyes (do they wear contacts? Eyes are not naturally violet) aren't a compelling enough reason to be "so intrigued" with someone. Do they do something weird? Do they behave oddly?] Not to mention the connection she shares with Michael. [What kind of connection?] As she gets closer to them, [How do they get closer? Are they thrown into mortal peril together? Do they overcome ancient evils together? (If that doesn't get you close to someone, I don't know what will!) Give short, specific examples. So far this is all really vague.] the more she learns about herself, friendship, and love. But as Rochelle learns of her past will she be able to accept who she really is? [This query is mostly vague. I don't feel like I know anything about the story. The most specific example of anything is people's violet eyes, and that doesn't tell me much.]

Tempus Viator is a 72,000 word work of young adult fantasy fiction. [I can't see the fantasy element in the query. Are they vampires? Selkies? Krakens? You've hidden the fantasy element so completely I can't even guess. (Except from the title. I'd guess something to do with time.)] This is my first novel and I would be happy to send the full manuscript upon your request. Thanks for your time and consideration. The first three pages are below as requested.

Sincerely,
Joy D. Wilson
http://joydwilson.blogspot.com/

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I've posted this before, but this seems like a good time for a reminder.

Here are the four things your query blurb needs to have.

1. Your protag and their problem
2. What they're going to do about that problem
3. Conflicts that keep them from achieving their goal
4. Stakes: what happens if they don't succeed. (Why the reader should care.)

The story part of your query (not the title/genre/credits) should be about 150-200 words. I tend to set mine up in this three paragraph structure:

1st paragraph: Introduction to the character and their problems. What they're going to do about it. (This paragraph gets the reader invested in the character and his/her story.)

2nd paragraph: Introduces complications and possibly another character. Things get worse. Worldbuilding tidbits are awesome.

3rd paragraph: Big bad or big onoes! is revealed. Big stakes. Character has to make an impossible choice. Reader shouldn't be able to see a way out. Reader should need to read the story to find out what happens.

Now, that's just how I do it, and I don't follow it religiously or anything. The structure is made to be played with. But if you're not sure where to start, hopefully that will help you with a foundation.

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How to submit: ( Clicky )

buffyaddict13, posting in criminalxminds @ 3:46pm: super late poll
for this week's ep is at my journal.

matociquala @ 3:38pm: if you don't like my peaches, you don't have to shake upon my tree
Smart brain. Of course Danilaw likes 20th century rock music. First of all, it's a worldbuilding point (which I will not spoiler.) But if he speaks archaic English, however haltingly, it also lets him talk to the people on the generation ship, now doesn't it?

1629 words on Grail today--just over quota, but as soon as batwrangler gets here, I have to go to New Jersey. This is my last commitment for a good long time, though, and I'm looking forward to crawling into my hole and pulling it closed after me until I get a couple of these damned books written and revised.

The more accomplished I become as a writer, and the more confident I am in my skills, the worse my drafts get. In a lot of ways, this thing I am writing looks very much like a really elaborate outline. It's full of bracket notes that say things like [show don't tell] and [make these characters' voices sound different]. I'm choosing to believe that this is because my subconscious has accepted that there will have to be heavy revisions once I figure out what the book is about, and the only way I have ever been able to figure out what the book is about is to work through it.

Sometimes I outline. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I go back and outline stuff I've already written to see where it's going and get some distance on it. Sometimes I write out of order and sometimes I'm linear. Sometimes I scribble bits of scenes on scrap paper. There are no rules, only tactics that work or do not work.

Lately, my process seems to involve writing all sorts of sketchy things, bits and fragments and scribbles--and then later constructing a narrative out of them. This would terrify me, except I already did this on Chill and Bone & Jewel Creatures, and the final drafts of both books strike me as rather decent work.

Mean things: fears of the Other, barbarians, fretting by the phone.

16640 / 100000 words. 17% done!

stillsostrange @ 2:00pm: A girl and her kayak
At first I typed "Girl vs. Kayak", but my relationship with the kayak is nowhere as adversarial as my relationship with the wall.

Kayaking was awesome, as expected. We went the more scenic direction this time, and got to admire the cliffs over Town Lake and the impossibly expensive houses on them (and the private docks they let rot, the bastards--give me those houses and I will keep the docks pristine!), turtles on logs, ducks, herons, other birds, dogs on Red Bud Isle, and rowing teams of both genders. Rowing teams are a bloody menace, but very nice to look at. It was warmer than I feel November should be, and I forgot sunscreen, but all in all very lovely. And now my shoulders ache. I may never lose the fifteen pounds that cling to my midsection, but I will have valkyrie shoulders if I keep this up.

The fact that I left the dock and promptly ate a plate of migas bigger than my head might have something to do with those fifteen pounds...

sfwa_admin, posting in sfwa @ 1:29pm: NASA finds water on the moon

In an announcement that has scientist and science-fiction authors alike reeling with the new possibilities, NASA announced today that it has found a “significant amount” of frozen water on the moon.

Preliminary data from a dramatic experiment on the moon “indicates the mission successfully uncovered water in a permanently shadowed lunar crater,” NASA said in a statement.

“The discovery opens a new chapter in our understanding of the moon,” it added, as ecstatic scientists celebrated the landmark discovery.

Read the full article for more details. Our question is: How many science-fiction books and stories have just become out-dated, do you think?

via Brandie Tarvin

Mirrored from SFWA | Comment at SFWA

wintersweet @ 10:06am: Buh.
I confess, I don't know a lot about cooking with baking mixes or making pancakes from scratch, either (I do both intermittently).

So I'm confused as to how this Burnham & Mills All Natural Gingerbread Pancake & Muffin Mix pancake recipe can call for pancake mix, water, and "1 egg or 2 tbsp. oil or melted butter."

Is the latter part correct? Egg *OR* oil/butter, either of those things will do? It just seems like they'd behave, uh, differently.

And if it's right, which one should I use for best flavor and texture? I have lovely farmer's market eggs, some neutral oil that isn't canola or olive oil (both of which lower INR), and nice European-style organic butter. :P I assume the decision between the last two is just a matter of calories/saturated fat/flavor, so it's really the texture difference between the egg and the fats that I'm interested in, I guess.

(There's sweet cream buttermilk powder already in the mix, which I guess is why it notes that milk isn't needed.)

I made pumpkin pancakes from TJ's mix last week, and now I want these, but I have a cold and am even more easily confused than usual.

Help, you guys! You're almost always much better than cooking. ;)

EDIT: Thanks! Made it with egg. The batter was very thick (just due to this mix, I guess), so cooking it was a little weird, but they tasted good. :)

otterdance @ 9:39am: Teaview
Drink the Leaf Blood Orange Black. This one might be an acquired taste. http://www.teaviews.com/2009/11/14/review-drink-the-leaf-blood-orange-black/

kaigou @ 11:05am: the eyeballs, they are alright
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

wildsunset, posting in criminalxminds @ 12:10pm: FRIENDING MEME
MULTI-FANDOM FRIENDING MEME

Would love to see some Criminal Minds fans there. (♥)

sksperry @ 12:02pm: S.K.S. Perry Logic:
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

msisolak @ 8:45am: Now if the nose would only cooperate....
Another day, another day of good intentions just waiting to be blown.

No writing due to choir practice on Thursday--two choirs, double the fun. No writing last night either. I arrived home in an exhausted heap at 5P, completely worthless. I finally ate dinner and vanished into my pillow.

But today! A gleaming bright morning full of promises!

The list begins with cleaning, but I'm slipping yesterday's novel words into the forefront. (So I must tear myself away from the short that is coming along quite nicely, mind you, and face the monster that will not get to the damn ending. I may have to outline (very roughly) where each POV character must go in order to tie this ever-expanding growth into order--cordoning three rambunctious vines into espalier.)

tordotcom @ 3:00pm: Saturday Morning Cartoons: “Engine 371” and “Sleeping Betty”

http://www.tor.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=blog&id=58286

Engine 371: Progress!? Starts off cute and becomes much more than that. Even though you know where it’s going, it's jazzy pacing and beautiful dream-scape design keeps it fast and fresh. (9.7 minutes)

Sleeping Betty: Every frame is funnier than the last in this period mash-up Sleeping Beauty story. Made from 7,000 perfect India ink drawings. So visually clever, you can watch it over and over, each time walking away with a new set of favorite moments. (9.13 minutes)

[Cartoons behind the cut!]

Engine 371
Kevin Langdale

Sleeping Betty
Claude Cloutier

Bonus, thanks to the NFB: An interview with Sleeping Betty's director Claude Cloutier.

More animation in our Saturday Morning Cartoon Index.

---

Irene Gallo is the art director for Tor, Forge, and Starscape books and Tor.com.

ace_cub_reportr @ 10:51am: Pretty much me.

pdlloyd @ 8:44am: TusCon 36 Mini-Report
I had a great time at TusCon yesterday evening and am looking forward to a fun and busy day there, today. It's always great to touch base with other writers and since I've been attending TusCon for over 15 years, I've got lots of friends among both pros and guests. This year, there's a CosPlay event with a steampunk theme, which should be lots of fun.

All of my panels are scheduled for today: I'm on a panel on "Retelling Fairytales: How does the medium and the culture affect the story?" at 11 a.m., do my reading at 4 p.m., and have a second panel on "Teaching Old Tropes New Tricks: Making formulae interesting" at 5 p.m.

I'm taking lots of blurry cell phone pictures and trying to make notes of the con highlights, so I can make a proper report at the end of the weekend. It'll probably be spread over multiple posts and I haven't quite finished the Comic Con series, so you can expect several posts from me in the next couple of weeks.

otterdance @ 12:26am: What's a Day Without a Murder or Two?
You'd think that given all the killing I write about, I'd want to watch something else at the end of the day, but I love crime shows. Unfortunately, I think I've finally seen every "Law and Order" permutation ever made at least twice, thanks to the wonders of reruns and a gazillion cable channels. So I've had to find something else to feed my habit-- er, fill the vacuum. I've tried a few shows, but none of them have hooked me until I stumbled upon "Criminal Minds."

It's not a 100% sell. Often it's a bit graphic and sadistic for my taste, but I really like the main characters, particularly the smartest kid in the room, Spencer Reid (Matthew Gray Gubler). I'm just a sucker for lanky, socially awkward, brainy, long-haired young blonds, I guess. Also love Mandy Patankin/Joe Mantegna, and the quotes they use at the beginning and end of the show, including some from Harlan Ellison and Cory Doctrow. Trouble is, it's running new episodes and reruns on at least three channels, spanning the entire run of the show. So I'm getting bits and pieces completely out of order. Where did Mandy go? Why is Spencer on crutches/in NA/kissing a girl in a pool? Who's that woman? Just saw an epi with Jason Alexander as the villian. Cool! And Garcia reminds me very much of a good friend who recently moved away. "That's how I roll." Miss you, Theresa!

Netflix to the rescue. I'm starting with Season 1, Episode 1, and working my way through. Just checked on the website. They're in season 6?!?! Why did I not know about this show sooner? Doug estimates 78 hours. I'm going to have to pace myself.

eternal_sadist, posting in criminalxminds @ 3:26am: Fic: Of Accidental Interrogations and Drinks
Title: Of Accidental Interrogations and Drinks
Author: eternal_sadist
Fandom: Criminal Minds/CSI: New York
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Emily Prentiss/Don Flack, Jr.
Summary: While spending a week in Manhattan for a conference, Special Agent Emily Prentiss runs into a certain blue-eyed detective over drinks. He chokes into his beer, and she tries not to laugh. Pre-series for both shows.
Disclaimer: They are not mine. If you thought they were, you either have intel I want, or you need more help than I thought.

( There are too many people in suits around her for it to be a vacation. )

wintersweet @ 11:25pm: Twitter Log for Today
( In here. )

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

stillsostrange @ 12:13am: Girl vs. Wall: All this stress is good for something after all!
Tonight I sent seven problems eight times (total, not each), and two of them were V1s. I also started a V2, though I only got a couple of moves up. Still, this makes the fourth climbing night in a row that I have climbed a lot and well. I think that means it's a real improvement. Tomorrow I'm going kayaking, which should also be lots of fun. Then we will resume freaking out about this novel.

katomega, posting in criminalxminds @ 12:25am: Intro Post
Hello, All! *dorky wave*

Name: KO or kat
Age: 28
Location: Georgia, USA
Favorite TV Show: Supernatural, Doctor Who, and all things Whedon. Sorry, I can't choose just one.
Other Shows Watched: Lost, Chuck, Being Human, Torchwood, True Blood, Fringe, Castle, FlashForward, V, Leverage, White Collar, Life (still in denial of the c word), and tons of other canceled/wrapped shows that I still fangirl like whoa... Basically, I watch way too much tv.
Favorite Quote: "Love those who seek the truth, beware of those who find it." - Marcel Proust
Favorite Color: Blue. Yes, I'm highly original like that.
If I was a criminal, I'd be... um, really boring and bad at it (overactive conscience)? I should totally come up with a smartass response for this, but yeah, tonight I got nuthin', sorry.

I just recently got hooked on Criminal Minds, so I'm catching up with DVDs. I'm journal posting reactions/squee to the early eps as I work my way through them if anyone's interested and I would love to discuss with more knowledgeable fans of the series. I'm also using the posts to keep track of how my opinions of characters and the show evolve as the series progresses. Looking forward to seeing more CM and getting involved in the fandom!

astres, posting in toonowrimo @ 10:12pm: Boom Boom Boom Boom. I want you in my chatroom!
http://tinychat.com/vjp2m

Where are you tonight? Out drinking? Schmoozing?

Too bad! Get in here! Start the weekend right!

katallen @ 5:05am: And In The Tradition of Friday the 13ths
The current issue of 'On The Premises' goes live, along with my story 'The Hard Place'

http://www.onthepremises.com/issue_09/contents_09.html

sfwa_admin, posting in sfwa @ 12:03am: How semantics can help you! Part 2

by Juliette Wade

Neural networks are really amazing things. In my last post I talked about how a word brings up all of its meanings simultaneously; today I’m going to talk about how that’s not all it brings up.

I’m talking about connotations and allusion.

Along with all of its meanings, the mention of a word can bring up all the contexts in which we’ve encountered it. With exceedingly common words, there may not be a particular context that stands out, and the word may have a more generic feeling. With less common words, we may really notice how they evoke the context in which they were created (Quidditch, anyone?) or in which they were used. Regardless, these contexts always tag along, and they influence the way we hear a word.

Has anyone ever tried to use the word “ejaculate” as a dialog tag? No? It used to be common enough, but I’m guessing you can see why we don’t use it so much that way any more. (Dialog tags are out of fashion anyway because they can be distracting.)

This reminds me of a discussion I had on the Analog forum about euphemisms. They tend to get “used up” and replaced by others quite quickly. Why? Because of the contexts in which they are used. If those contexts are considered dirty or low, then the quality of the context will be evoked in the speaker or writer’s mind with every occurrence of the word, and eventually the word will be sullied by its association with that context.

In my classes at the school of Education at UC Berkeley, occasionally the word “intertextuality” came up. It essentially means that a word will evoke in the reader’s mind all the texts in which they have seen it. “Monster” can bring up Frankenstein, or Monsters Inc. or any number of other things. This is one of the reasons that my friend Paul Carlson was able to put together his list of words that evoke particular genres (find it here).

When you’re writing, it might be daunting to remember that there are a million layers floating behind everything you say, particularly when you choose a word that doesn’t occur so frequently as to become semi-generic. Almost any word can become more than it is, much like the few critical words used in ancient Japanese poetry (I’m thinking primarily of tanka, not haiku).

Daunting, sure – but what an opportunity! This stuff can allows you to imbue a scene with a sense of foreboding or excitement. The other thing it can do is allow you to illuminate your point of view character. All of the judgments of value inherent in a particular word will reflect on the user of that word. We see this all the time in oral language when we judge people based on their use of cuss words or insulting words for others. In a piece of narrative writing, all those judgments will be associated with the point of view character. It’s one of the ways that point of view can extend into your writing far beyond the simple first and third person pronouns.

That’s it for today, but stay tuned for the next installment.

Juliette Wade is an author of science fiction and fantasy who loves language and its cultural consequences. Her fiction appears in Analog and other short fiction magazines. She has degrees in Linguistics, Anthropology and Japanese.

Mirrored from SFWA | Comment at SFWA

chibicharibdys, posting in deverry15 @ 8:29pm: 15 days roundup!
15 links for 15 days!

Grinding to Valhalla: Interview with Katherine Kerr

DeepGenre: 15 Days of Deverry Party Begins Today!

DeepGenre: Fifteen Days of Deverry Interviews: Writers and Creativity

DeepGenre: Interview with Kit

Voyager Online: 15 Days of Deverry

Keeping the Door: Katherine Kerr finishes Deverry series

SFScope: Book View Cafe celebrates Katherine Kerr's fifteenth, and final Deverry novel

Penguin.com: Creating the Magic of Deverry, by Katharine Kerr

In the Future, Tense: Book View Café Celebrates with Kerr Fans and 15 Days of Deverry

The Wertzone: Another major epic fantasy comes to an end

SF Signal: Online Celebration for Katherine Kerr's The Silver Mage

chasing bawa: The Greatness that is Katherine Kerr

AllThingsAnglophile: Deverry as a TV Show

Book View Cafe Celebrates Fifteen Days of Deverry!

15 Days of Deverry: A page of Deverry-related links

barbarienne @ 10:56pm: Anyone else watch the Jeopardy Teen Tournament?

The contestant who ultimate won the whole thing was a young woman named Rachel. The first show I saw her on was in the semifinal, and within a few questions I knew I was rooting for her. She ran the Star Trek category, went next for the Twilight category, and then moved on to Classic Literature.

Overweight, glasses-wearing geek, and cute as a button. She kicked serious butt in both games of the final.

Congratulations to a young member of the tribe!